Not every influence teaches us who we want to be.
“Some people teach us who not to be.” .
It’s a powerful reminder that not every lesson in leadership comes wrapped in inspiration. Yet, these moments often hold some of the most important insights we can carry forward if we choose to look at them through the right lens.
The truth is, not every influence in our lives shows us who we want to become. Some show us exactly who we don’t want to be, and that’s just as valuable. Those moments the ones that sting, frustrate, or disappoint can sharpen our awareness of the kind of impact we want to have on others.
But here’s the part that matters most: remembering gratitude for the lesson and empathy for the person. It’s easy to carry the weight of a negative example and let it harden us. It’s harder, but far more meaningful, to take the lesson, grow from it, and still recognize the humanity in the one who taught it
The Leadership Lens: People Are Always Watching
Whether we intend to or not, people observe how we show up especially when things get hard.
Leadership isn’t just about the words we use in meetings or the strategies we build; it’s about the example we set in the moments that test our patience, integrity, and empathy.
People rarely remember the numbers you hit or the targets you exceeded. What they remember is how you made them feel.
Did you create an environment where they felt seen, heard, and valued? Or one where they second-guessed their worth?
Every choice every interaction becomes part of the story others will tell about working with you.
So, the question becomes:
What do you want people to see, learn, and remember you by?
Because leadership is never just about direction it’s about reflection.
Three Lessons from Leadership That Shows Us “Who Not to Be”
Awareness Is a Mirror
Sometimes we learn who we want to be by seeing what doesn’t feel right. Those experiences mirror back the kind of presence, tone, and care we want to bring into our own leadership. Pay attention to that it’s how self-awareness grows.Empathy Doesn’t Excuse, It Expands
Choosing empathy doesn’t mean you justify poor behavior. It means you see the full picture. When we look at difficult leaders through a human lens, we open space for understanding and often, for forgiveness that frees us from carrying the weight of resentment.Growth Lives in Reflection
Every experience, even the hard ones, holds a lesson. The key is to reflect before reacting. Ask yourself: What did this teach me about the kind of leader, teammate, or human I want to be? Growth begins the moment we choose curiosity over criticism.
Leadership isn’t defined by perfection it’s defined by awareness.
And sometimes, the people who teach us the hardest lessons are the ones who quietly shape our greatest growth.
Because in the end, every experience good or bad shapes the way we show up.
And that’s where real leadership begins.
